When Balkers Relapse

Danny,

I can't make a horse drink water but I helped a man qualify and now his is clear on the main problem - in the mind - obsession/insanity. He has started writing his inventory and then stopped. He got high. Do you have any suggestion for helping someone obtain willingness or is that just plain dumb to say? I am NOT wasting time with him. I just wonder if there's anything else to do.

Eddie K

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Based on what you say Eddie we cannot assume that he isn’t willing. He might be willing. But he may not be "ABLE" at this stage. That is because it is not likely that he has had the promised awakening of the Big Book yet. Someone still in step four HAS NOT! He just isn’t there yet or is he supposed to be. He is supposed to be suffering in his objectionable defects so he will want to continue with the grueling work ahead! The more pain he's in the better off he is -- but ONLY if he continues -- otherwise that fire he’s feeling has got to be snuffed with booze. AWAKENING or Booze - either way the pain will be relieved. (Or drugs if he's an addict too)

Are you sure he hasn't BALKED? Like maybe, took a day off from inventory or something. Because that will do it Eddie. A guy taking his time through a painful fact finding and facing or buttressing that inventory with some wacked out stuff like listing ‘assets’ or writing a “life story” or some other non-AA stuff WILL RELAPSE if he's the real deal.

That being said, then so he hasn’t had the spiritual awakening yet Eddie then what ELSE do you expect?!?! Beginning an inventory is no guarantee of a hedge against insanity. That is why he’s got to get through his inventory NOW - as quickly as possible - none of this "still writing" nonsense, getting addicted to the process instead of getting freed from the alcoholic obsession.

Eddie I have worked with hundreds of men (and woman) and accumulated enough experience to tell you that the awakening and consequential removal of the obsession to drink usually does not even 'peek' into the man’s mind until Step 5 and it often isn’t even apparent until anywhere up to step nine.

The Big Book, "Alcoholics Anonymous" tells us that spiritual awakening doesn’t even come into play until well into Step Five, "We may have had certain spiritual beliefs, but now we begin to have a spiritual experience." (75:2)

The operative word here Eddie is "BEGIN" -- meaning it is ONLY now just starting to occur - it hasn't been happening during steps 1 through four - (this is in the section of the book giving the step five directions and experience of the co-authors.)

On the other hand Eddie if he actually is Not willing - and there are plenty of those who will NOT be willing to "pay the price" (lots of guys are 'willing' to get the results, they just aren't 'willing to cough up the spiritual, emotional and mental' lucre') -- then you aren’t going to manufacture it in him. Not if you have already done your part to educate him on the futility of his illness and then he STILL doesn’t want to stop? Then move on!

Willingness comes after knowing the nature of the problem. If after that (STEP ONE) there is still no wiliness forthcoming – then he’s gone! For now. And so should you be. Hope that help Eddie,

Peace and Love,

Danny S - RLRA

Real Live Recovered Alcoholic

http://recoveredalcoholic.blogspot.com